Guerby (guerbyfreak) wrote,

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King of The Castle

Shit! My writing structure is nothing but shitty. My handwriting is too. I see how Nikki can have such sloppy handwriting cause she just writes as the thought streams along from her mind through to her pen. I have a barrier that effects more than just my writing it effects my whole life. I guess the simplest way to say it would be to call it a wall.

I have many walls built around me to keep me from getting hurt. To protect me from those who would plunder, pillage, and rape my inner self. I'm not so stable right now not to my usual standards anyway. There is a big hole in my wall that I'd like to close up, but I can't, I like the scenery outside of this side of the wall. I enjoy standing within the gaping hole and feeling the breeze blown by, airing out the stuffy corridors in my castle.

I've opened many windows to let few people look in, but rarely have I let my walls down. It seems the first words she spoke were all it took to weaken this patch of wall, while the first look cracked it down the middle. The kiss however, incinerated the cement then the bricks began to fall one by one. It is thrilling to view what stands beyond that wall but that thrill is trailed by caution, this wall may lead to pain if not sealed. The threat of being hurt looms dangerously upon the horizon. I think I am paranoid, then disregarded the thought of caution as the breeze returns.

It is this breeze that leads me to wonder if the walls that protect me also imprison me. The rest of the world that surrounds me is blocked from my sight except for this view. I wonder, upon thinking, how lovely it would be to see through more than just this hole. Paranoia sets in again and I realize that it would be insane to unleash what these walls contain; safety and security but only to an extent. There is security beyond those walls, I can sense it. Security in more abundance than I could possibly store within these walls.

These walls they do me no justice, they hinder and impede the breeze. The windows are not enough to carry in a cooling warm breeze. The walls must come down and safety abandoned so that I may feel the breeze move around me and not merely on my face. Fear meets paranoia fueling cautions drive so I make no move. I stand before the largest portal in my castle and indulge in the sensations of the breeze and view. Knowing for a little while longer I can fight my fears until I must reduce this hole into a mere window.
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